Hey Kids. I’m working up a really great post for you I promise. I had a bit of a fail this weekend making pudding but my 2 year blogoversary is this week so I should have something great for you after this weekend (and the annual family mini-reunion). In the meantime, let me review my juice cleanse with you. Slurp it up!
Day 1 Pre-Cleanse: Monster headache right around 3pm due to no caffeine. Felt like my eyeballs were rolling in my head for lack of focus. Managed to survive, wasn’t terribly hungry, only a minor mishap that my cherries were stored in the same partitioned container as my olive oil for my lunch, which leaked all over them. Don’t particularly enjoy olive oil cherries, but oh well. Was craving peanut butter before dinner.
Day 2 Pre-Cleanse: Doing better, no headache however actively craving carbs all day. Pretty sure I can smell carbs from a mile away. Suddenly realizing that Consider the Fork may not be the best reading material for an all juice cleanse. Switching to a Wharton novel instead. Had a minor panic attack regarding off-site training for the first two days of cleanse. Stocked up on straws and lemons. Energy levels are mid-to-low. Hoping that’s due to workload and not food consumption.
Day 1 Cleansing: Packed up all my juices for the day (ohmahgawd it’s so heavy I think it might rip my new lunchbox) and trundled off to Spin at 6:30. Drink Green Juice at 7:30 while waiting for the bus. Not terrible. Keep drinking it in gulps thinking it will taste better than it does. Brain is confused why a salad is coming in juice form. Juice 2: P.A.M. Everyone’s right, P.A.M. is totally your bestie. She’s all “I know that green juice was a bit icky so I’m here to soothe your worried taste buds.” I like P.A.M. Juice 3: Green juice, still not great but totally tolerable. Juice 4: Spicy lemonade – by far my faves. It’s great. It tastes like it should have vodka or tequila in it. You almost feel like you’re having fun. I bet if I tried hard I could pretend to be loopy on it. Juice 5: Beet juice. Holy mother of god this is the most awful stuff I have ever tried. It tastes so amazing and sweet like apples and lemons and then all of a sudden it slams a big old fistful of dirt in your mouth. Like dirty dirt. Straight up barnyard filth. Gasped through half a bottle, decided I actually wasn’t hungry. Got to work making ice cream. Juice 6: Cashew milk. It’s like dessert in a bottle. They’re totally giving this to you as a reward for making it through the day. It also serves to make you forget that you’ve been drinking nothing but juice for the last 12+ hours. Whatevs, it works.
Day 2 Cleansing: Packed up all my juices and the remaining half of my beet juice from the day before. Feelin’ pretty good, not even really bothered by the large heaping plate of cookies up for offer during our offsite training. Doesn’t stop me from constantly glancing at them, but the craving to have one is maybe only slightly diminished. Green juices don’t taste so bad today, not that I was looking forward to them or anything. Chug the remaining half of my beet juice an hour before crossfit. Burped up dirty beets the whole class, was not happy. Worked out so hard I got nauseous and all I wanted was a cracker. But I held strong, no cracker just delicious cashew milk and a guilty pleasure episode of Grey’s Anatomy (I’m woefully behind).
Day 3 Cleansing: I’ve definitely lost weight, my sorta tight pants fit awesomely now. I don’t think my skin’s really any brighter, but I guess I can’t tell. I don’t feel like my mind is any more clear, or that I have more energy than usual. Really I just feel the same except that I haven’t chewed anything but a plastic straw for the last two days. Already totally stoked to eat solid foods on Saturday. Requested that we stop at our new favorite ice cream/food spot on our way home from CT. My tolerance for green juice has dropped significantly, took me over an hour to chug down my lunch bottle. I suppose reading all my food blogs again isn’t helping either. By lunch I’m already looking forward to the spicy lemonade and the cashew milk. And suddenly craving cocktails. Gave up on my beet juices and gave my remaining two bottles to a friend. Drank extra lemon water to fill the void. I sent The BF and his brother out for dinner while I sipped my cashew milk forever alone. Of course The BF’s mom had amazing delicious mini-apps when we arrived in CT that evening. Decided to be a grump and go to bed early rather than be tempted.
Day 1 Post-Cleanse: Pop out of bed like it’s Christmas. TODAY I CAN HAVE FOOD! TODAY I CAN CHEW! Play it safe with some strawberries. And two cinnamon scones. And a bite of The BF’s breakfast. Immediately panic that this was too much. Turns out I’m totally fine. At the reception I pig out on steamed veggies, and ice cream. And rolls, I had 3. Don’t tell BluePrint, they might never send me juice again and I really liked that spicy lemonade. Around 9pm my stomach is pretty upset with me but I decide to just sleep it off.
Day 2 Post-Cleanse: Basically back to normal, promptly gained back half the weight I lost. I try to eat more healthy but I’m craving ice cream and cookies like it’s my job. I really don’t think juice cleansing is right for me. But, on the flip side I wasn’t ever hungry or tired. So I guess if I need to drop some pounds quick to fit into a dress for an event this will work. But I doubt I’d pay $150 again to do it. I think I’d probably just make my own juices. Which means no beet juice. Blech.