In 3rd grade I got my first pair of glasses. My parents found out I needed them because my teacher told them I wasn’t participating as much as I used to (teacher’s pet right here). I bought these huge round lenses that were multicolored, as you do in the early 90s. It was awesome because every year when I forgot to wear green on St. Patty’s day I could retort, “NAH-UH THEY’RE IN MY GLASSES!” And I wasn’t wrong. Saved myself a lot of pinches.
In 6th grade we moved to Connecticut and I had a sudden realization: I was a nerd of epic proportions. According to my mom it was pretty traumatic. Most of middle school was so traumatic for me I don’t remember 85% of it.
My mother, kind soul that she is, sponsored a shopping makeover for me. I got my first pair of contacts (that took me exactly 4 hours to put in, the store actually closed while I was still there), had my eyebrows waxed (dude, let me tell you… whoa), my first pair of jean shorts (omg), a purple Abercrombie & Fitch shirt (which fit me until senior year of college, oof), and blue suede Airwalks (again, because the 90s).
I finally had one cool outfit.
Every year for the last 20 years my eyes have gotten worse however. Glasses have (thankfully) come back in fashion so I get to pick a hip new pair every two years or so.
This year, I was really hoping it would be the first time in my memory that my eyes didn’t get worse. Let me tell you. I lost that lotto hard.
You know your eyesight is bad when the doctor makes you wear your glasses, cover one eye, and suddenly, you can’t read that first line. My first thought: Shit. Fake it. Let me tell you, when you start faking letters and two letters in the doctor says, “They’re numbers.” The gig is up. She even followed that up with, “Oh dear.” Yeah, understatement there, hon.
So after what felt like eons of “Option 1 or option 2? Or the same?” and all the stress that brings, she reads my new prescription off the machine, and then turns to me and sighs. The doctor then proceeds to read off my shiny new prescription like a game show host. “You’ve won not 1, not 2, BUT 3 CARS!!”
Except it went something more like this: “You’ve gone not a quarter step, not a half step, not even a three-quarter step down, BUT A FULL STEP DOWN IN ONE EYE ALONE!” Great, doc. You know what’s worse than hearing that? When it’s followed with the statement, “I don’t think I can give you your full prescription all at once. It’ll make you too dizzy, you might get sick.”
Awesome. Looks like this wasn’t my year for not having worse eyesight.
What do you do when you get that kind of wolloping news? You make some bad ass, no bake, peanut butter krispy treats. Then “accidentally” try to stuff them into a too small pan and become forced to eat a heaping serving of treats that “just don’t fit.” It solves problems. Plus, I heard sugar is good for your eyes. I think.
- 7 cups rice krispies cereal
- heaping ¼ cup smooth peanut butter (not all natural)
- 3 tbsp butter
- 1 bag mini marshmallows
- 2 king sized bags of Reese's mini unwrapped cups, frozen
- Place mini Reese's in the freezer for at least 2 hours before making the treats.
- Butter a 9 x13" baking dish and set aside.
- In a large sauce pot melt butter and peanut butter until smooth over low heat.
- Once melted add marshmallows and stir until melted and thoroughly incorporated.
- Turn off heat and add all the cereal at once stirring to combine. Make sure you get all the big goops at the bottom of the pot!
- Turn the treats into the baking dish and using the back of the spatula or a piece of waxed paper press them into the pan and flatten the top.
- Allow to cool for a few minutes before pressing the mini Reese's cups into the top of the treats. They will melt slightly.
- Let cool completely before turning out onto a cutting board and slicing, approximately 2-3 hours or overnight.